if you think it’s degrading to work in retail remember that voldemort worked at borgin and burkes before he became the dark lord
Probably why he became the dark lord tbh
EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH THIS VIDEO!
IT’S SO CUTE! HE JUST WANTS TO WIGGLE HIS LITTLE TAIL FEATHERS. ahhhhh
what’s a gender you ask?
it’s when you look at someone u like and ur stomach gets butterflies
wait that’s a crush
*SHOUTING TO THE HEAVENS*
I A M F U C K I N G S C R E A M I N G
That was intense.
That was the best thing I’ve ever read.
Spoiler alert: adulthood is 96% of you going “well, I hope this is how it works and I’ll keep doing it till someone yells at me”
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
you know how every girl in the world has a secret code with her girlfriends for when they need a tampon well when I was younger the code was ‘japan is attacking, do you have supplies’ I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain the joke but just to be safe
Oh my fucking god
Your pokémon snapped out of its confusion!
them: oh are u excited for that new marvel movie?